Trauma and Vibranium: A Bucky Barnes Analyst

Trigger warning tw for: trauma, PTSD, abuse, brainwashing, trauma recovery, therapy, military trauma, military PTSD, physical abuse, mental abuse, war, Falcon and the Winter Soldier spoilers, Infinity War spoilers, Endgame spoilers. I tried to add as many tags as possible, if there is any you think I should include please let me know.

We all know this story. Bucky’s story is a tragic one that actually has a happy ending (for the moment). Others have talked about his struggles but I want to touch on one specific thing, his work with therapy and recovery from trauma (mostly in Falcon and the Winter Soldier). I don’t have PTSD, but I do have a lot of trauma mostly related to health and medical trauma. I’ve been in therapy for over a year and worked through a lot of hard stuff and I see myself in Bucky and his recovery in FATWS. I will try to be as concise as possible but this might wander at times. Also while I love Bucky and he’s a comfort character, I’m not super knowledgeable about the character’s backstory or details so excuse any mistakes on that point. Also I hope I made my points correctly and understandable, if anything is confusing or you’d like clarification please feel free to ask!

Bucky and his journey of healing is very special and personal to me and I hope you enjoy this piece.

James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes. Born in 1917. Enlisted in the US Army in 1943. Captured and experimented on by HYDRA, then turned into the Winter Soldier. Rescued by his best friend Steve Rogers aka Captain America. Taken to Wakanda for recovery. Best friends with Steve and Sam Wilson.

I’ll go over briefly what happened to Bucky. He had to go fight in a war at a young age, was captured by the enemy (he probably thought it was regular Nazi’s and didn’t know it was HYDRA at first), was given a version of the Super Soldier Serum (was also probably experimented on in other ways, we’re not sure), had a moment of freedom after being rescued by Steve, fell from a train and lost his left arm, recaptured by HYDRA and was further experimented on (as well as receiving a prostetic arm), brainwashed and abused into being a obident pawn used by HYDRA as a assassin, repeatedly brainwashed and cryo freezed which kept him from aging, eventually encountered Steve which joged his memory, was rescued by Steve again but was left on his own to piece his life together, was accused of blowing up the UN and was on the run then chose to go to Wakanda and be cryo freezed until they could figure out how to remove the Winter Soldier programing. 

Just being in WWII would be enough to give anyone trauma, Bucky got a whole lot more. And all against his will. He didn’t choose to take the Super Soldier Serum like Steve did, he didn’t ask to be a super assassin. It was all forced on him by horrible people (aka nazi’s lets not sugar coat it).

It’s a miracle he ended up in Wakanda, honestly it’s the best place for him to get help. Shuri figured out how to remove the Winter Soldier programming but I fully believe Bucky also worked with a therapist during his time there. This is why I think he has a hard time working with his therapist in FATWS (besides the fact that she’s not a great therapist and not a good fit for Bucky), because he worked with a therapist in Wakanda and knows a good therapist when he sees one. I believe that Shuri and Ayo advocated for Bucky to have therapy (Wakanda seems like a society that actually cares about people's mental health, unlike other places in the world *cough*theusa*cough*). Before in the time leading up to Civil War Bucky had been slowly getting his memory back but was doing it all on his own, introspection is good but can only get you so far. Eventually you reach a point where you need help and another person's perspective.

There is an interesting parallel between Bucky and John Walker. John is a perfect example of how the US Military doesn’t take care of the mental health of its soldiers, he CLEARLY has PTSD and trauma and if he had gotten the mental support he clearly needs maybe things would have ended up different. It’s fascinating to me to see the difference between someone who got good help and support (Bucky) and someone who didn’t (John), and how it affects them both in different ways. Also I think Bucky wanted to heal and get better and John doesn’t (he thinks he’s fine and probably wouldn’t admit to needing help).

He had already begun his healing journey even before Infinity War started. The scene in FATWS where Ayo speaks the Winter Soldier trigger words (which happens before IW as Bucky doesn’t have his new Vibranium arm yet)  is huge evidence to this. Having gone through something similar I know exactly what Bucky was feeling. How hard it is to face something so scary, something that’s hurt you deeply but doing it despite the pain and finding to your surprise, you made it through. And you feel so much better afterwards, like a weight has been lifted. When I’ve confronted difficult trauma with my therapist I really understand Bucky in that scene, how hard it is but how good it is for you. The way he smiles through the tears, realizing he’s free made me have to pause and cry because I understood that feeling. Confronting trauma, triggers and deep emotional pain like that takes a lot of strength and a deep desire to heal, to be better and find the real you. To love yourself.

I think Bucky has a hard time loving himself up until this point, between either giving too much to others (e.g. his loyalty/feelings towards Steve) or being a brainwashed killing machine that it didn’t give him much about himself to love. Bucky has voiced how he feels that even if he was brainwashed he still killed people and did awful things. A negative view of himself. I think it took his time in Wakanda and working through his trauma to not only find the real him but to love himself. He’s still working on it, as healing is a never ending process. But he’s come a very long way (I’ll get into that later). He’s also trusting himself, secure in the knowledge that he’s not like he was before. Zemo helps reinforce this during their time spent together. Zemo tries to use the Winter Soldier trigger words on Bucky, reads his book of names, because of Zemo Bucky has to act like the Winter Soldier for a short time, has to listen to how Zemo talks about the Super Soldiers. And yet while I’m sure it’s rough and some negative thoughts come up, Bucky goes through it with so much more trust in himself than he had before. He can deal with Zemo without beating himself up about things (at least less than he would have before). I actually think Zemo’s comments about Bucky still having the Winter Soldier instincts is interesting because he’s not wrong, but he is mistaken in that it’s not the same as before. Fighting skills are engraved into a person and are hard to forget. Bucky isn’t the Winter Soldier any longer but that doesn’t mean he’s forgotten how to do the Winter Soldier's job. But now he can do it of his own free will and with a conscience. That’s what makes the difference. And in regards to Zemo’s comment about how “those with supremacist ideals tend to want the serum” raises an interesting point. I believe this doesn’t apply to Bucky not only because he’s a good person, but because he didn’t choose to take the serum. Steve chose to take it but he’s a special case. Some of the people given the serum were given it against their will or without their knowledge of what it was (I’m sure more than less of people knew and still chose, but my point still stands) including Bucky. He doesn’t fall into the supremacist category because he didn’t voluntarily choose it, it was chosen for him by HYDRA. Of course we know Bucky isn’t a supremacist (the line “The Avengers, not Nazi’s” makes me laugh every time) but I find it interesting in that it shows how Bucky doesn’t fit into HYDRA’s plan no matter how hard they tried to mold him. No matter what they did he got away in the end and got better.

Now obviously he still doubts himself, that’s part of his struggle in FATWS. The scene with Bucky and Sam in the Soul Gazing exercise where Bucky says “So maybe he (Steve) was wrong about you. And if he was wrong about you, then he was wrong about me.” It's a bit of a breaking point for Bucky, finally admitting his fears. But it takes voicing those fears to get through them (I actually think that scene did more for Bucky and Sam then they will admit but I also love that whole scene so I digress). Not only did he face his fears but with voicing them out loud he was able to look at it and figure out why he felt the way he did, the conclusion he comes to later when he apologies to Sam. But by the end of the series you can see how he’s come to accept himself and trust his mind once again.

His court mandated therapist Christina Raynor was not the best for him, but I do think he got something out of his time working with her. Seeing things from other people's perspective helps in some fashion. His time working with her was not wasted. Although let’s be honest, Sam did more for Bucky in their conversation (FATWS eps 5) than Christina did in how ever long she worked with Bucky. Sam has worked in trauma counseling for soldiers so he knows what he’s talking about and knows what to say that will be beneficial to Bucky. He doesn’t shy away from how hard it is but doesn’t judge or make Bucky feel bad (no guilt tripping here!). Also leading up to this scene Sam proves to Bucky that he’s safe, them working together on the boat gives Bucky a chance to realize he’s in a safe environment and surrounded by people that genuinely care about him (this is subtle in the show but having new experiences to replace the old, negative ones is part of healing and can reinforce that you’re in a safe space). And it gave Bucky the push he needed to do the hard work, like talking with Mr Nakajima. It’s hard admitting when you did something terrible, especially without beating yourself up and feeling extra guilt. Being responsible about your actions while not dragging yourself down isn’t easy and I think Bucky did a good job. It still hurts but he definitely feels better after being honest and accountable.

Also I firmly believe that as much as the ending with Steve in Endgame (I know, we don’t talk about it but I’m gonna anyway *insert that one BDG meme*) is awful and out of character, the silver lining is that Bucky learns to heal without Steve. Which sounds harsh, but for basically all his life he’s been “Steve Rogers/Captain America’s best friend” and with Steve out of the picture he’s able to find himself outside of that perspective. Learn about the real him. Not the Winter Soldier, not Steve’s best friend, but Bucky Barnes. He can still be Steve’s best friend (or lover, I’m all for either or both) but first he’s got to be Bucky. He’s got to heal outside of Steve and focus on himself. Find a new identity, whether it’s as the White Wolf or as Bucky Barnes. I mentioned above about Bucky fearing that Steve’s faith in him was misplaced (the Soul Gazing scene) which is another reason why it was good for Bucky to work through all of this without Steve. He had to learn about himself and trust himself without the expectations or pressure of Steve’s faith. Support from others and their belief in you is very important, but you can’t find yourself in others.

(Note: I am in no way supporting Steve’s ending in Endgame. It’s ridiculous, out of character and frankly insulting to both Steve, Bucky and Peggy.)

Bucky has come a loooong way in his healing. The joy he experiences in the end scene of FATWS is a small peak at that, he’s being open and expressive and happy! Unfortunately I can’t remember who it was, but I saw someone point out that letting the kids hang from his arm at the party is huge. He no longer is afraid of it, of hurting others with it. Having a new Vibranium arm from the Wakandan’s (who helped him get better) probably helps him feel better about it, it’s not his old arm that he had when he was the Winter Soldier. But he also trusts himself, like how he trusted himself when he visited Zemo in prison. He’s finally truly trusting and loving himself. It’s beautiful to see. And I think it gives us hope, that if the Winter Soldier can heal from his trauma and pain, so can you. If Bucky can go from not remembering his best friend to laughing while carrying a cake to his best friend's family gathering, going from traumatized and not knowing himself to being happy and finding himself, then so can you and so can I. 

May we all be as strong as the White Wolf.